The Last Airbender just might be the worst movie this year

I finally got around to watching M. Night Shyamalan’s epic The Last Airbender. It is, quite honestly, a ridiculous piece of crap. It is also my pick for worst movie of the year.

So…

It’s not funny. You can’t make an Avatar: The Last Airbender movie without at least some of the many charming comedic moments from the TV series. Aang, Katara, and Sokka are growing up, but they’re still kids. And someone bagged and tagged Sokka’s usual one-liners and dumped them in the ocean somewhere.

Things just don’t make sense. Come on, a bunch of earthbenders stuck in a dirt prison? You’ve got to be kidding me. And Aang’s speech to them is classic: “Earthbenders! You don’t need to live like this! There’s earth right beneath your feet!” Yeah you silly earthbenders, Trix are for kids!

No one looks (or acts) like their cartoon counterparts, except Princess Yue. You’ve probably heard about the angry outcry over the studio’s previous choice of an all-white cast for what should have been predominantly Asian characters. The final version still features the all-white cast EXCEPT for the scrubby Earthbenders, who are Asian, and the Fire Nation Bad Guys, who happen to all be Indian. I guess we should all be thankful that Jesse McCartney wasn’t chosen to be Prince Zuko.

It doesn’t follow the series. There’s no Kyoshi warriors (and therefore no Suki, a fairly major character in the series), no Bumi, Jet, Face-stealer spirit-creature-thing, or even Avatar Roku. Firebenders don’t need a source of fire to shoot flames. Bending is instantaneous and doesn’t require fancy dancing moves. Omashu is never mentioned in the entire movie. The list goes on and on. Sure, eighteen episodes of the TV show had to be condensed to fit into a one-and-a-half hour movie. I get that. But picking and choosing parts to cut from the film is one thing – completely rewriting the Avatar world is another. Hell, M. Night didn’t even keep the names intact. Ong? Sohka? Really?

The script is terrible. There are some real choice lines here:

“My name is Commander Zhao. I set this trap for you.”
“I must assign a guard to be with you at all times, Princess. Your presence is our inspiration.”
“I would say to your grandmother, my hair is white because when I was born I was not awake.”
“We should set a trap for this person. We have many Earth Kingdom people under our control. I can leave soldiers hidden in certain locations.”
“And maybe we can stop in the villages on the way, start a change in the war in these small villages.”
“It is time we show the Fire Nation we believe in our beliefs as much as they believe in theirs.”

I don’t know how the actors can deliver any of these lines with a straight face. It’s painful to listen to. Maybe this is why…

The acting is terrible. The actors and actresses have done a fine job removing all traces of life from the cartoon’s spirited comedy. Jackson Rathbone should be especially commended for turning a normally hilarious, sarcastic character into a younger, even-more-monotone version of Neo. And it’s doubly terrible because we, the audience, end up not caring that the Fire Nation is about to conquer everybody and rule the entire Free World with a cold (hot), iron fist. I’m even tempted to side with them considering that they (the bad guys) are the only people in this movie who even make some sort of attempt at acting. Then again, Shaun Toub and Dev Patel are actual actors.

Final verdict: Please watch the TV show. Please.

End rant.